Paleo Life

Well I have been in the deep end for 8 days now and I am doing ok. It had been very hard with no sugar very hard. I have only drowned a couple of times. But for me that is ok I knew jumping into the deep end would be hard. I am a sugar addict and I admit it. I love my Pepsi and my granita coffee, I keep getting back up wiping myself off and just keep trying. I think in 8 days I had one granita and one Pepsi. For someone who is addicted to sugar having those 2 things in 8 days is pretty darn good.

I have been walking and excersing every day as well as trying to remember to eat 3 times a day.

I just have to keep having faith that I can do this.

Well I think that's it for now. I need to go pick up my son from football and then get dinner going.

Until next time.

Getting ready to jump

I am getting ready to jump feet first in the deep end of the pool and to tell you the truth I am afraid and have always been afraid. What am I talking about you are probably asking.

I am going to start the Paleo Lifestyle tomorrow all by myself. I am not being pressured into doing it or anything and so I think I am ready to do it. MY biggest mountian will be the sugar. I love my Pepsi and my coffee. I have a sweet tooth every now and then I really have not had one lately. MY sweet tooth is usually a pint of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting while watching tv or I will have a bag of chocolate and watch tv and the next thing I know the bag is gone and I feel sick for eating the whole thing.

Sorry back to tomorrow and why I am scared. I know that there is a skinny beautiful free spirited woman in me somewhere and I am afriad of her because I have never met her before. Will I be happier and healthier if I met her? By all means I would be. I have PCOS, High Blood Pressure and My choloestrol is out of whack because of the weight.
I have a 5 yr old daughter who is my everything and she looks up to me, I also would like to have a children and be around to play with them and watch them grow up and have a family of their own but because of the PCOS I can not have children. I want to change that!!!!!!!

Oh this diet the other big mountian is WATER. I am not a drink water type of person. I joke with everyone and say I am allergic to water because I do not drink water. If its not in my tea or coffee I do not drink it and that is about to change because I have to drink at least 1 gallon of water a day.
(I think)

I already eat like Paleo its it a couple of things that I don't do which is eat. Well I eat but I eat once a day and that is it the rest of the time I am drinking my sugar and calories. Tomorrow I will be starting to eat breakfast and lunch and dinner and no more sugar oh and drink water. It sounds so easy when I am typing it. I know the first week or so will be hard but I have to do it for myself.

HAHA I just thought of something I wonder if I could chew sugar free gum. I am trying to quit smoking and gum helps me not smoke specially with the stress.

Well I will let ya'll know how tomorrow goes. I hope I have not confused you to bad. I start typing one thing and then my mind goes off on something else. lol

Till next time...

This is a first for me.

Ok I am about to do something I have never done before. I am about to show you what I look like and take you with me on my new eating lifestyle. Here we go.

FRONT VIEW OF MY BODY

A FRONT VIEW OF MY TRICEPS.
I HAVE FLAPPS THAT WHEN I WAVE THEY KEEP WAVING.

SIDE VIEW NO I WAS NOT STICKING MY STOMACH OUT THAT IS HOW BIG I AM.
I SUCK IN MY STOMACH ALL THE TIME.

AND THE BACK VIEW.


Ok the unhappy woman in these pictures was telling her husband (Kevin) to just hurry up and take them. I do not like having my picture taken because of this reason.
Here are my stats. These pictures were taken Aug 08, 2011 and I am 5'5 3/4" and weight 245lbs. I do not know what my measurements are. I honestly don't to know.

I have not been this heavy since I graduated from high school in 1993. I have always been overweight. There was one or two times that I think I was under 200 I don't know because I go by how my clothes fit not the scale.

Anyway today is Aug 31, 2011 and I weight 235lbs. In 23 days I have lost 10 lbs. I don't know if this is because of the PALEO LIFESTYLE or if it is because I have so much bad stress in my house right now.

I will be taking pictures every 3 months to show you the improvement of my body.

That's all for now on this blog I just wanted to show you what I look like as I take my jump into my new life.

Till next time.

updating everyone since it has been so long

Wow I can not remember the last time I blogged about things that is going on in my life. So I will update everyone. I still have PCOS, OVERWEIGHT and still have the unwanted bad stress in my house oh and I am still on L and I because of my shoulder. Ok well making a funny haha. I think I got everyone up to date.
On to the next blog where I start talking about my new lifestyle that I am diving into the DEEP END with tomorrow and when I mean DEEP END I mean full blow no stopping.
See you in the next blog

Till next time

I am going to scream

My stepson is sitting at the table eating a cup of noodles and all I hear is slurping noise and it is driving me crazy. I swear that boy had no manners when it comes to eating at the table. I had to shut the tv off because of his noise making when he eats. He makes noises all the time when he eats, either its the whole slurping thing or he chews with his mouth open and he wonders why his little sister is that way she is when she eats food at the table.

Ok I just had to vent for a minute.

Easter 2011

Today was a better day except for the fact that I had a boil on my panty line and it has been hurting everytime I walk.

Heather had a blast today going hunting for eggs and then playing with all the kids next door. She even liked her Easter basket. It has a suitcase for her inside it so now when she goes to grandmas she has her own suitcase.

Well I think that is it. I took a pain pill because I have a bad headache, my neck and shoulder are killing me and that boil. I have not taken a pain pill in so long that as we speak it is making me sick to my stomach and yes I took it with food in my stomach.

Good night everyone.

Tired and need to vet things out of my head

I am so tired of this pcos and everything else that is wrong with my body. It is very drainful.

I don't think Kevin understands what I go through everyday. I need him to read the books and understand why I can't have this to eat or why I get this emotional or why I don't have periods or whatever the situation is. I need someone in my life that understands what I am going through on a daily basis.

I wish I had that one person that I can go to when I am having a bad day that will listen and tell me that it's ok that I had this much sugar let's try again tomorrow type of thing. Or like ok I completely understand why you smoked that cigarette because you are stressed about this or that and when you are stressed that cigarette is your very very best friend at that time because is there at that moment just like the half gallon of ice cream or that 6 pack of pepsi that you just drank.

Well anyway I know what I am trying to say if it does not sound right.

I think I am going to try to start getting up before everybody in the house gets up and go for for that morning walk with a cup of coffee and that sunrise and maybe that will start my days better and brighter.

Well I think I am going to try and go to sleep now. Good night everyone

Heather and my world

Heather my daughter is my life, she was trying so hard to make me smile today and all I could do was put on a fake smile for her because I was just not here today.

Well tomorrow is Easter Sunday and she gets to go hunt for some eggs in her Easter dress and sandals, she is so excited she can't wait.

I sometimes wonder what life would like for her and I if we didn't have all the stress in our life.

I sometimes have nightmare about heather being taken from me and I never get to see her again. I wake up crying at night because of it. I don't tell my friends and family about because it won't help. They are mental dreams and I have to be the one to break the nightmare dream.

I honestly don't know what I would do without her. If I am having a bad day I look at her and it sometimes makes everything better for the moment.

I can't believe it's been 5 years since she came into my life and I still can't believe it at times that I was blessed with this beautiful little girl that is the spitting image of me. Whether people want to believe me or not I am very grateful that she is my daughter and I would not trade her for the world. I am also very very protective of her as well.

I love my heather with all my heart and soul.

Just another day with pcos and the stress

I am lying in bed and I can't sleep. My shoulder is hurting and I can't get comfortable. I haven't heard from the reproductive specialists yet. I went in for my yearly check up and everything seems to be fine she said. There was no blood work done so I am wondering if she is going to have me wait and have the specialist do it.
When my husband Kevin gets paid I am going to go down to the health store and get some herbs and try to get things done that way. I haven't had a period this month so I have no clue when my next one will be. Nice huh,
The thing I hate most about pcos is the fact I have no energy. Does anyone else out there suffer from this due to pcos. I could go to bed at 8pm and wake up at 5am and I am still tried like I could sleep forever.
I don't like the fact that I am gaining weight and it's because of the stress in my life as well as the pcos.
Today was a bad day for me because all I wanted to do was cry and I couldn't. When I woke up I knew things would not be good today so I was quite all day and Kevin wanted to know what was wrong and I kept telling him nothing is wrong I am just quite and don't want to talk.. I still don't want to talk.I just want to cry.

My thoughts right now with my PCOS and heath issues.

I have been trying to follow the handbook of PCOS and have been adding somethings in my life style. Like I am now taking vitimins that the book says I need to take and I can see the differnce when I don't take them. I am also trying to watch what I eat alot more mow then I use to. Like with dinner I try to make sure that every thing is portioned. A little bit of carbs, some protein and then lots of veggies. I have also been trying to eat breakfast. I am so not a breakfast person heck who am I kidding I dont eat unless I am hungry to the point my stomache is hurting then I know I am hungry. I have it in my head that if I eat I am going to gain weight and when I do the eat every 4 hours like they tell you I feel like a PIG. I know I am not I just have it in my head. That is my fault I need to break somethings that are very very hard.

I just started what I think is my period I don't know if it is my period because I have had intercourse with my husband twice this week and I know its from having intercourse that is how my body has been acting the past year I believe.

I went to the dr today about a problem I am having with my shoulder and it turned into ok we need to do something about your blood pressure because it is to high for you and it seems like the medicine that we have you on right now is not working. So they changed my meds again so we will see how this med works with me.

Lets see my dad lived till he was in his 70's or 80's. My mom is still alive and is in her 60's and well what I am trying to say is I want to live as long as them and I can't with the health issues I am having so I am so trying to change.

I have started a program that is called from couch to 5k in 9 weeks. I am taking it slow right now because I am over weight and the last time I ran my shoulder was killing me. So I am trying.

Oh a different note I am proud of myself because I have a friend who is prego with her first child and I am doing good with my emotions and the fact that I can't get prego and I know that even if I could not control my emotions that (I think) my friends should understand why I would be so sad or emotional about it.

I so want a child that I honestly have stop trying stop caring if I get prego or not and the reason being is because I am trying to hard and when I am not stressing over it or trying so hard boom it will hit me. (as people say). But we will see.

Oh I will be posting a picture if I can get myself to take a picture of myself. I think I will do it every 6 months to see if there is a change with my body and you are more then welcome to comment on my pictures because I want to know what you see in changes if any changes.

Please be honest but not hurtful if that makes sense.

Ok well that is all for now I think. Good Night. (sorry for misspelled words if there is any)

3-6-11 a bad night

I start telling you and your son what has been bothering me because I need to get it off my chest and give you both my two cents and I am not eve done venting at the both of you and you both blow me the fuck off. Ya'll wonder why I am so quite and am ready to go out the door for a walk. I need to tell you both where I stand with everything specially when you son wants to know what is going on all the damn time. Everybody says I spoil my daughter and that I need to spend more time with your son. I think not. You spoil him as much as you did your other two daughter and make me look like the bad man in front of everyone. Bull shit at least if I spoil my daughter it because I know I will not let her get like your three kids are.

I am outside right now cooling off before I start another fight because I need to get shit off my chest.

Tomorrow will be cleaning the house so I don't have to bitch anymore about people helping me in the house and so help me if I hear another person say well becareful and take it easy and don't hurt yourself I am going to scream. If there is noone here to help me clean or want to help me clean then what the heck do you expect me to do clean and move shit so I can clean.

I hate the word that kids use now a days the whatever word because like say I don't care but in one word. Well I am at the point where all I want to say to people is whatever.

Did this help I honestly don't know. Maybe maybe not who knows and who really cares if it did or not.

I am going to go back in be quite like a good wife and stepmom and keep my thoughts to myself.

The end

I could scream right now

I could so just scream right now. I don't know what is going on right now but my husband and bothing the hell out of me because he acts like he is not listening to me and I have so stress going on right now and just need to vent and he is being a @$%^%&*%^*(&&^*%$^$#%#$@#$%^&*&() right now.

I have the stress of my shoulder because i am swollen and it hurts and I dont get really good sleep at night and then the fact of PCOS and the ups and downs with that as well as the fact again of my shoulder and not being able to work and bring money in so the damn stress of hearing it from the husband that we have no money and this and that also don't forget that I have no clue what is going to be done to my shoulder if anything because I have no clue what is going on. That right there would frustrate anybody. I hate feeling like I am useless and helpless. I can't stand it and then when I need help there is no one around to help so what do I do.

He claims that he has gone through the same thing that I went through with his shoulder surgery and everything but there is a little bit of differences there. He was not working and neither was I because one I could not find a job and two he was in a case with his right foot and then his right arm was in a sling from the surgeries that he had to have so I waited on him hand and foot as well as his kids when they came to visit.

Now he is working and I still take care of him the kids and the house and try to take care of me. Well as we all know no matter how hard I try to put me first it does not work in this family what so ever. Everyone else has to be taken care of before I do.

I am just so tired of being tired mentally emotionally and physically tired all the damn time and then the stress of no money and that right there is a big stress and everyone is going through it right now I know. Then the fact of having the PCOS and not being able to lose weight or workout right now because of my shoulder and yeah.

I wish there was a fix it pill because I would so overdose on that pill right now to make everything better.

I want to scream and cry and break things and punch things and just leave me the heck alone. No flippen pill is going to take care of shit.

Haven't blogged in awhile

Wow I have not blogged since 01-24-11. I have either been too sick, too tired or to busy to blog. So I decided to blog for a little bit.

I have been reading this book called The Ultimate Handbook on PCOS and wow I am learning things that I had no clue about with PCOS and I thought I knew everything there was because I have researched and researched till my hands were blue and my mind was going to explode from researching.

Part 1 of this book gives you the LOW-down on PCOS and how it effects your body and your life. I am relearning the female body (per-say). I am not even done with this part yet..

Part 2 of the book basically tells you how to Totally give your body the TLC that it needs because of the PCOS. So that part I can't wait to get into.

Then the final Part is taking charge of PCOS and how to nurture your emotions and spirit.

If any of my reads would like me to break it down for you in my blogs I would love to do that. Once I start the plan that it give me to try and do I will be blogging to let everyone know how things are going

My husband (Kevin) even said that he is going to read the book so that way he know what my body and mind is going through because of the fact that I will live with PCOS for the rest of my life.

From what I got just reading what I have read I have a very bad case of PCOS so there are somethings that I am going to have to change in my life if I want to be around for my family and friends.

Well thats all for now. Sorry for any miss spelling that I may have.

Monday 01-24-11

Wow today was a day. It started at 6am, yet again I did not get any sleep because of my shoulder, found an awesome app for blogging on my iphone.

I babysat for a friend today and decided to bring my laptop big mistake I could not get a wifi strong enough to blog or play games. But at least time went by somewhat fast.

In the process of doing that long blog about my weekend I get a phone call from Kevin. He tells me that he is going to the school to pick up derick because he hurt himself at lunch.

Well he gets there and talks to derick and the nurse and then calls me and states that instead of the walk in clinic he is going to the ER. I am thinking ok how bad is it. Kevin tells me that Derick decided to play football and he went to kick the ball and his feet came out from underneath him and he landed hard on his left shoulder. I am thinking great derick has either a broken shoulder or he dislocated it.

Well after being in the ER for 2 hours Kevin calls me back and Derick is in a sling for the rest of the week and they had to send out the xrays to get looked at better because they dont know if the cracks they see are his growth plates or if he actually cracked his shoulder. If he did not crack his shoulder then he dislocated it. Either way Derick is on pain med and in a sling. We have to go back to the dr by the end of the week to do a follow up.

I get home from watching the kids and we have to go back into town to get Derick's meds and Derick wants to go to game stop to return a couple of games that he does not like. Ok no problem right. Wrong lol.

We get into game stop and I am looking around and Kevin starts talking to me about DS's, so we are talking and looking and I am trying to figure out why. Needless to say I have a DSi that has the camera on it and the camera is both ways so I can either take a picture of myself or someone else. Plus I got 2 games and the case with car charger. I dont know what to think or say because I was not expecting it what so ever.

I told Kevin I don't know if I like one of the games that we got because there really isn't anything to it. Oh and I can surf the web with this thing.

So my Monday went good. I am going to get ready for bed because I am tired and my throat is on fire and I am thinking that is my allergies.

Well that's all for now so Good Night everyone.

About my weekend

So of course the weekends usually start on Fridays so I will get everyone up to date on my weekend.

Friday 01-21-11 Was a good day. That was my husband and mine anniverasy we have been together for 10 years as of that day. Wow that is all I am going to say. It has been very very 10 years but we did it barely but we did it.
I spent the day watching my friends kids and had my daughter with me so the day went on and on. Then I went home and my stepson (Derick) asked if he was going to be able to go to his aunts house for the weekend. I told him that dad was talking to Pete and that we will find out soon. Well he finally was able to go so that put me at Teenagerless in the house and I was so happy.
Then I went to pack up my oldest stepdaughters (Alisha)stuff because she moved back to her biomoms house that is another blog all to its self. Lets just say she is 17 years old and acts like a 2 year old and did not like getting her way what so ever.
Well anyway Kevin had the boxes in his car so I could not box up her stuff. So instead I folded all her clothes and sat them on the bed and got everything taken care for when Dad came home we could box everything up.
Between all that I would watch tv or play on the computer. Heather was in bed by the time I started doing all of this.
When Kevin got home at midnight and we started boxing things up and got it all out into the living room and next thing we know its 3am so needless to say we went to bed. That was my Friday not stressful at all.

Saturday 01-22-11

After going to bed at 3am I was up at 8am because that was when Heather woke up. Well for the first part of the morning I was upset because Kevin's exwife was suppose to come get the stuff but because she is such a lazy woman and the kids don't matter to her, Kevin had to load everything into his car and take it to the princess and still make it to work on time. He was even a little upset but like he said at lease they are not coming into our house and trying to steal from us like last time. (that as well is a blog all on its own). Once my morning was over Heather and I went into town to go get bread from the bread store and to walmart to get the fixins for dinner. We were having my mom's cord chowder that I so loved growing up. Sheryl my BF is wanting me to post the recipe so I will do that in another blog. But she decided to come over to visit for awhile as well as have dinner. I was so happy because of the fact that she is starting to come over because the stress is no longer in my house.
As I was cooking the chowder my house was smelling so good. A couple of times I was reminded of my mom's house when it was cooking because that was my house. If that makes sense.
Well we had dinner at 6pm and Sheryl loved the chowder and I gave her some for her other half to have I hope he liked it as well. Then after dinner she had to go let the dogs out so after she left I got heather ready for bed and I think she was in bed by 9pm.
I decided to watch tv and relax well next thing I know I am waking up because my shoulder and neck were killing I had fallen asleep in the recliner. So I took my butt to bed. I was doing ok until Kevin came home and gave me a M.R. because of the pain I was in. I was knocked out needless to say I have a very low tolerance for Pain Pills and Muscle Relaxers. That was my Saturday very relaxing and enjoyable

Sunday 01-23-11

I so loved Sunday. We all kinda slept in even Heather she did not wake up till 8:30 or 9am. Kevin, Heather and I started getting ready after breakfast because we were going to get out of Moses Lake for awhile. We left town sometime after 12pm. When we got to the chocolate factory which is right outside of Tri-cities, We all needed to go to the bathroom well after that Heather saw the apples and asked if she could have one. So she grabbed one and it was little over a pound by itself that is how big it was. She ate about 3/4 of the top before she said she was full it take her a good half hour just to eat the top of this apple.
Then we went to the mall in Richland and walked around. In the process of walking around we went to payless and got Heather some new Sneakers because she had out grown her old ones. She is now a size 12-12 1/2.
Then Kevin said it was time for me to go BRA shopping because my bras were old and the underwires had broken. People who know me know I do not like bra shopping lead alone shopping for myself.
Well we went to JCPENNY'S and to SEARS and nothing fit right. By this time I was upset and did not want to do this anymore so I told Kevin never mind I am getting upset because nothing is fitting and lets just do it another day. Well as I was saying that something told me to look up as we were walking the mall and I was standing out in front of Lane Bryant and I must of left a fire streak because Kevin said you would of thought my butt was on fire I moved so fast into the store.
Well after 45 mins of trying bras on and getting measured and now I know what my size is. I actually enjoyed going bra shopping. I have 4 brand new bras that fit like a glove. I love it.
When we got done with the mall all three of us were hungry so Kevin said that since all bills were paid and we just need some food in the house we are going to go eat at our favorite place so we did.
We went and ate at Famous Dave's I walked out of there like a stuffed pig but it was so goodddddd (As Rachelle Ray would say yumm-o)
Then off to winco to go food shopping when we were done in tri cities we left ahead of the game between the shoes for heather, bras for me, dinner at Daves and the food shopping we still have money for gas for the week. We may not have a whole bunch of money but at least the bills are paid food in the house and there will be gas in the cars till next payday.
On the ride home heather was watching movies and I fell asleep in the passenger set because it was such a relaxing day and I was still full from dinner.
When we got home my son was back and he helped dad unload the food. Kevin, Heather and I put everything away.. Heather and Derick went to bed because by this time it was like 930pm.
Once the kids went to bed Kevin relaxed on the couch and I played my games on Facebook. I think I was in bed and asleep by 1130. A couple of times I woke up because of my shoulder but I think I got sleep.

Well that was my weekend. Now that we are up to date on the weekend I can blog about other things like my shoulder and what is going on this week for me.

I know this blog was very long and I am sorry. I will try not to have it this long again. I can't promise it but I will try.

I hope you all have a nice Monday and week.

Found a app

I am lying in bed because my shoulder is making if uncomfortable to sleep. So I figured I would go into my apps and see if there is anything I want to buy thanks to Sheryl and Chris for my Christmas present or if something for free.
Well since Sheryl told me I should blog to get things off my chest, I went searching. Low and behold (I think that phrase is right) I found an app for FREE that I can hopefully blog from. I am trying it right now and then in the morning I will see if it is actually on my site.
Let me tell you if it is on my site I am so going to love this app. Why? Because now I can blog anytime and anywhere instead of having to text myself.
Well that's all for now. I am going to try and go back to sleep. Good night everyone.

Untitled (Don't know what to title it)

This weekend has been very good to me I think. I am so tired right now that I can't even think. So all I will say for now is that I was kinda spoiled this weekend with how relaxing it has been for me and my family.

I think until I get everyone who is following me and future people who want to follow me up to date my blogs will be some what either long or in parts. I hope that is ok.

For right now that is all I will write because I am tired and just got home from being out of town and I have to get up early in the morning to go watch my friends children. I might take the laptop and see if I can get lucky and get wi-fi and be able to blog because I know that will keep me busy and will make the time fly by fast.

Good Night for now.

Just starting out

My name is Melissa Close, I decided to start blogging so that way if I need to vent because of my marriage or step kids I can get it off my chest instead of what I FEEL as bothering my friends with my drama and problems. It is going to take time for me to do this because of the fact that I only tell a small amount of people what is going on in my life. The reason for that is because I can trust these people with my life.The one thing I will say about myself is the fact that I have a daughter and her name is Heather Sarina Michelle and she is my life and my sunshine. I love her so much that one day when she is a teenager and/or all grown up she will know that I love her so much and I have always loved her.
I don't know what else to say in my first blog so I think I will leave it like this for now.