I am going to scream

My stepson is sitting at the table eating a cup of noodles and all I hear is slurping noise and it is driving me crazy. I swear that boy had no manners when it comes to eating at the table. I had to shut the tv off because of his noise making when he eats. He makes noises all the time when he eats, either its the whole slurping thing or he chews with his mouth open and he wonders why his little sister is that way she is when she eats food at the table.

Ok I just had to vent for a minute.

Easter 2011

Today was a better day except for the fact that I had a boil on my panty line and it has been hurting everytime I walk.

Heather had a blast today going hunting for eggs and then playing with all the kids next door. She even liked her Easter basket. It has a suitcase for her inside it so now when she goes to grandmas she has her own suitcase.

Well I think that is it. I took a pain pill because I have a bad headache, my neck and shoulder are killing me and that boil. I have not taken a pain pill in so long that as we speak it is making me sick to my stomach and yes I took it with food in my stomach.

Good night everyone.

Tired and need to vet things out of my head

I am so tired of this pcos and everything else that is wrong with my body. It is very drainful.

I don't think Kevin understands what I go through everyday. I need him to read the books and understand why I can't have this to eat or why I get this emotional or why I don't have periods or whatever the situation is. I need someone in my life that understands what I am going through on a daily basis.

I wish I had that one person that I can go to when I am having a bad day that will listen and tell me that it's ok that I had this much sugar let's try again tomorrow type of thing. Or like ok I completely understand why you smoked that cigarette because you are stressed about this or that and when you are stressed that cigarette is your very very best friend at that time because is there at that moment just like the half gallon of ice cream or that 6 pack of pepsi that you just drank.

Well anyway I know what I am trying to say if it does not sound right.

I think I am going to try to start getting up before everybody in the house gets up and go for for that morning walk with a cup of coffee and that sunrise and maybe that will start my days better and brighter.

Well I think I am going to try and go to sleep now. Good night everyone

Heather and my world

Heather my daughter is my life, she was trying so hard to make me smile today and all I could do was put on a fake smile for her because I was just not here today.

Well tomorrow is Easter Sunday and she gets to go hunt for some eggs in her Easter dress and sandals, she is so excited she can't wait.

I sometimes wonder what life would like for her and I if we didn't have all the stress in our life.

I sometimes have nightmare about heather being taken from me and I never get to see her again. I wake up crying at night because of it. I don't tell my friends and family about because it won't help. They are mental dreams and I have to be the one to break the nightmare dream.

I honestly don't know what I would do without her. If I am having a bad day I look at her and it sometimes makes everything better for the moment.

I can't believe it's been 5 years since she came into my life and I still can't believe it at times that I was blessed with this beautiful little girl that is the spitting image of me. Whether people want to believe me or not I am very grateful that she is my daughter and I would not trade her for the world. I am also very very protective of her as well.

I love my heather with all my heart and soul.

Just another day with pcos and the stress

I am lying in bed and I can't sleep. My shoulder is hurting and I can't get comfortable. I haven't heard from the reproductive specialists yet. I went in for my yearly check up and everything seems to be fine she said. There was no blood work done so I am wondering if she is going to have me wait and have the specialist do it.
When my husband Kevin gets paid I am going to go down to the health store and get some herbs and try to get things done that way. I haven't had a period this month so I have no clue when my next one will be. Nice huh,
The thing I hate most about pcos is the fact I have no energy. Does anyone else out there suffer from this due to pcos. I could go to bed at 8pm and wake up at 5am and I am still tried like I could sleep forever.
I don't like the fact that I am gaining weight and it's because of the stress in my life as well as the pcos.
Today was a bad day for me because all I wanted to do was cry and I couldn't. When I woke up I knew things would not be good today so I was quite all day and Kevin wanted to know what was wrong and I kept telling him nothing is wrong I am just quite and don't want to talk.. I still don't want to talk.I just want to cry.