My thoughts right now with my PCOS and heath issues.

I have been trying to follow the handbook of PCOS and have been adding somethings in my life style. Like I am now taking vitimins that the book says I need to take and I can see the differnce when I don't take them. I am also trying to watch what I eat alot more mow then I use to. Like with dinner I try to make sure that every thing is portioned. A little bit of carbs, some protein and then lots of veggies. I have also been trying to eat breakfast. I am so not a breakfast person heck who am I kidding I dont eat unless I am hungry to the point my stomache is hurting then I know I am hungry. I have it in my head that if I eat I am going to gain weight and when I do the eat every 4 hours like they tell you I feel like a PIG. I know I am not I just have it in my head. That is my fault I need to break somethings that are very very hard.

I just started what I think is my period I don't know if it is my period because I have had intercourse with my husband twice this week and I know its from having intercourse that is how my body has been acting the past year I believe.

I went to the dr today about a problem I am having with my shoulder and it turned into ok we need to do something about your blood pressure because it is to high for you and it seems like the medicine that we have you on right now is not working. So they changed my meds again so we will see how this med works with me.

Lets see my dad lived till he was in his 70's or 80's. My mom is still alive and is in her 60's and well what I am trying to say is I want to live as long as them and I can't with the health issues I am having so I am so trying to change.

I have started a program that is called from couch to 5k in 9 weeks. I am taking it slow right now because I am over weight and the last time I ran my shoulder was killing me. So I am trying.

Oh a different note I am proud of myself because I have a friend who is prego with her first child and I am doing good with my emotions and the fact that I can't get prego and I know that even if I could not control my emotions that (I think) my friends should understand why I would be so sad or emotional about it.

I so want a child that I honestly have stop trying stop caring if I get prego or not and the reason being is because I am trying to hard and when I am not stressing over it or trying so hard boom it will hit me. (as people say). But we will see.

Oh I will be posting a picture if I can get myself to take a picture of myself. I think I will do it every 6 months to see if there is a change with my body and you are more then welcome to comment on my pictures because I want to know what you see in changes if any changes.

Please be honest but not hurtful if that makes sense.

Ok well that is all for now I think. Good Night. (sorry for misspelled words if there is any)

3-6-11 a bad night

I start telling you and your son what has been bothering me because I need to get it off my chest and give you both my two cents and I am not eve done venting at the both of you and you both blow me the fuck off. Ya'll wonder why I am so quite and am ready to go out the door for a walk. I need to tell you both where I stand with everything specially when you son wants to know what is going on all the damn time. Everybody says I spoil my daughter and that I need to spend more time with your son. I think not. You spoil him as much as you did your other two daughter and make me look like the bad man in front of everyone. Bull shit at least if I spoil my daughter it because I know I will not let her get like your three kids are.

I am outside right now cooling off before I start another fight because I need to get shit off my chest.

Tomorrow will be cleaning the house so I don't have to bitch anymore about people helping me in the house and so help me if I hear another person say well becareful and take it easy and don't hurt yourself I am going to scream. If there is noone here to help me clean or want to help me clean then what the heck do you expect me to do clean and move shit so I can clean.

I hate the word that kids use now a days the whatever word because like say I don't care but in one word. Well I am at the point where all I want to say to people is whatever.

Did this help I honestly don't know. Maybe maybe not who knows and who really cares if it did or not.

I am going to go back in be quite like a good wife and stepmom and keep my thoughts to myself.

The end

I could scream right now

I could so just scream right now. I don't know what is going on right now but my husband and bothing the hell out of me because he acts like he is not listening to me and I have so stress going on right now and just need to vent and he is being a @$%^%&*%^*(&&^*%$^$#%#$@#$%^&*&() right now.

I have the stress of my shoulder because i am swollen and it hurts and I dont get really good sleep at night and then the fact of PCOS and the ups and downs with that as well as the fact again of my shoulder and not being able to work and bring money in so the damn stress of hearing it from the husband that we have no money and this and that also don't forget that I have no clue what is going to be done to my shoulder if anything because I have no clue what is going on. That right there would frustrate anybody. I hate feeling like I am useless and helpless. I can't stand it and then when I need help there is no one around to help so what do I do.

He claims that he has gone through the same thing that I went through with his shoulder surgery and everything but there is a little bit of differences there. He was not working and neither was I because one I could not find a job and two he was in a case with his right foot and then his right arm was in a sling from the surgeries that he had to have so I waited on him hand and foot as well as his kids when they came to visit.

Now he is working and I still take care of him the kids and the house and try to take care of me. Well as we all know no matter how hard I try to put me first it does not work in this family what so ever. Everyone else has to be taken care of before I do.

I am just so tired of being tired mentally emotionally and physically tired all the damn time and then the stress of no money and that right there is a big stress and everyone is going through it right now I know. Then the fact of having the PCOS and not being able to lose weight or workout right now because of my shoulder and yeah.

I wish there was a fix it pill because I would so overdose on that pill right now to make everything better.

I want to scream and cry and break things and punch things and just leave me the heck alone. No flippen pill is going to take care of shit.